


Lie to me

by vogue91



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Confrontations, Fights, Light Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 06:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14743848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “What is there to say? I’m tired, Yuya, and the last thing I need is to hear inexistent things been thrown in my face. I don’t think I’ve been such a bad friend for you, have I?”





	Lie to me

Yuya felt guilty.

Not too much.

It was that weird feeling he had from time to time, when he dared to say one word too much, when he knew keeping quiet would’ve been far better.

No, he wasn’t going to lie to himself.

He felt disgustingly guilty.

Hikaru was lying in bed next to him; he was sure he wasn’t  sleeping.

They had had a concert in Nagoya that night, and they were particularly tired.

Takaki thought it would've been a good idea, once back to their hotel room, to get changed, get to bed and falling asleep right away.

Without talking, if that had been possible.

But it had been like he hadn't been able to restrain himself.

He had complained, almost idly, about what little time they spent together recently.

He had complained about how the other never seemed to find time for him.

And until that, Hikaru had just denied, telling him it was because of work, that he cared about him and that he was going to try and make time for them.

Yuya had felt as if he had just received a consolation prize, and hadn't been able to stop at that.

_“I bet you’d have made time more easily, had it been for Yabu, right?”_

Yaotome had definitely lost his patience.

He had started yelling that he was a visionary, that he was tired, that Kota had nothing to do with that.

And Takaki had bitten his tongue, because he knew he had no right to complain about anything.

It wasn’t true that they didn’t spend enough time together.

They did.

It was just never enough for him.

And bringing Kota into that, then, had been coward of him.

Hikaru had never admitted that openly, but he wasn’t so blind.

He was in love with Yabu, he had always been.

And the fact that the other didn’t reciprocate didn’t seem to touch him at all, but it hurt Yuya all the same.

For years he had hoped Hikaru could make peace with that, that he would've stopped gravitating around him, that he would've realized that his happiness couldn’t depend only on him.

It had never happened, and Takaki had grown more and more intolerant.

A thousand times he had wished Hikaru would've seen him, that he would've stopped seeing him only as a shoulder to cry on.

A thousand times he had wished he could’ve grabbed him by his shoulders, shaking him from that reality existing only in his head and telling him he loved him.

A thousand times he had kept quiet, because he knew already what his answer was going to be.

He raised his eyes toward the younger, sighing.

He saw him moving a little, but still pretending to sleep.

“Hikka?” he murmured, low, leaning over to try and see if his eyes were open.

There was a silence, but then the younger answered.

“What do you want?” he asked, harsh.

“Can we talk?” he tried to keep his voice as civil as possible, as to avoid another argument.

The other sat up quickly, getting the blankets off of himself.

“What is there to say? I’m tired, Yuya, and the last thing I need is to hear inexistent things been thrown in my face. I don’t think I’ve been such a bad friend for you, have I?” he asked, glaring.

“I’m not throwing anything in your face, Hikaru. I just wished you understood how... how I feel when all you can talk about is Yabu, where you’re always around him, when he’s all you think about. You’re hurt, it’s pointless to deny it, and when you’re like that I don’t have a clue as to what to do.” he said, trying to keep calm, which was starting to get harder.

“Who’s asked you to do anything? You don’t like me talking to Kota? Then don’t listen. You don’t like me being around him? Don’t look. This isn’t about him, Yuya, it’s about you.” he accused him, and the other felt like he had just hit him.

He was right.

He could avoid listening, watching, he could ignore everything that went on in front of his eyes.

He could’ve but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to stop, because doing so meant growing apart from him, and he was never going to want that.

“That’s not what I want, Hikaru. I just wish you’d face the obvious.” he took a deep breath, regretting already what he was about to say. “Kota doesn’t love you, he never will. There’s no room for you in his life, at least not how you’d want it.” he said, loud, and to hell with civilization.

When Hikaru got up from the bed, went toward him and slapped him, he knew he deserved that.

“Why don’t you just leave me be, Yuya, if you think I’m so pathetic? Why do you stay if all I do or say is always wrong?” he asked, whispering, as if what the elder had told him had taken his voice away from him.

Takaki bit his lip, feeling the need to cry grow stronger.

“Because it’s the only way I have to feel like you love me.” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

An unreal silence wrapped the whole room.

Hikaru had frozen and was staring at him, an unreadable look on his face.

Yuya swallowed, then he started talking again.

“I like being close to you. I always do, Hikka. I like it when you laugh for something I say, just as I like when you pick on me. It makes it easier to imagine that everything’s fine, it makes me feel like you truly care for me, like you care the way I’d want you to.” he sighed, lowering his eyes. “I keep lying to myself to feel better, at least from time to time, but I still know it’s a lie. You and I aren't so different, I know you do the same with Yabu. I know you tell yourself that one day he’ll finally realize that you’ve always been there and he’s going to love you.” he sighed. “But you know it’s not going to happen, just like I know you won’t love me.” he said, shrugging as if, in the end, it didn’t matter.

The younger kept looking at him as if he couldn’t recognize him.

That look hurt Yuya horribly.

“What do you want me to say, Yuya?” he asked in the end, and the elder knew he wasn’t being polemic, but that he truly didn’t know what to say.

After all, there wasn’t a right thing to say.

“I want you to tell me you’re going to let me live my lie. It’s all I ask of you.” he murmured.

The other scoffed, then he brushed a hand over his face, as if he didn’t know what else to do.

In the end, Yuya saw him grab a jacket and going toward the door.

“I’m going out, I’ll take a walk. I... I need to think.” he muttered, slamming the door behind himself.

Takaki finally let go, and he started crying.

He knew Hikaru.

He knew that the next day he was going to pretend nothing had happened.

He would've pretended Yuya wasn’t in love with him. He would've kept telling himself that to the point of forgetting.

But right now, Yuya wished he hadn't left him alone.

He wished he would've hugged him.

That he would've let him believe everything would've been fine, even though it wasn’t true.

But he had gotten out that door, and Yuya had nothing to feed to the lies he kept telling himself.

He laid down, closing his eyes.

Deprived of illusions, he sought shelter in dreams.

He knew himself too, and he knew the other’s face was going to follow him there.

That night, all he was going to have were nightmares.

And a heart broken under the weight of the thousand lies it had been told.

 


End file.
